A thought occurred to me today. Well, yesterday.

You see, for the past month or so, I have been hurtling towards the state of brokeness. As in out of money. I was laid off at some point roughly a month ago(the exact date escapes me), which would be when my journey began. Luckily for me, I hadn't spent much of my previous paycheck, and I also had my tax refund. Well, state, anyway. I'd already blown the federal one. Anyhoo, between those two, and my final paycheck, I had somewhere in the neighborhood of $200. You remember when you were a little kid, and even $10 seemed like this huge amount? And $100 was something so amazingly huge, you couldn't even comprehend it? I did, anyway. But yeah. Those days are gone. $200 doesn't go very far at all. What disturbs me is that I have nothing to show for it. As far as I can tell, it was spent entirely on gas and Waffle House. Gas for my car runs about $15 every 1-1.5 weeks, so figure at most, $60. So, $140. That's a lot of waffles.

In any case, a couple days ago, I was reduced to scrounging change from my car. I actually had a sizeable amount; $2.76, if I remember correctly. I also had a $1 Sacagawea Dollar that I'd been hanging onto, so $3.76. Went to Waffle House with this, and was thrilled to discover that a friend who owed me some paltry sum had brought Mr. Hamilton along, and informed me he'd give me the change. My jingly contribution was reduced to somewhere around $1.50 by the end of the meal, due to friends hiding coins (OK, so 60 something pennies is a bit of a temptation...), putting them into [nearly] empty creamer containers (occasionally re-filling them with syrup), and the like. But still. All was well. This was actually the 2nd time I had ended up richer coming out of a resturant than going in. Strangely enough, the other time was also at a Waffle House.

Anyway, after then putting $5 worth of gas into my car, I had $3 left. $1.70 or so went to coffee the next morning (bastard Starbucks... free coffee my eye. And it was horrible, to boot), so I had $1 in my wallet. Wow. Yeah, that could be a problem.

Then, the other day, lo and behold, my parents for absolutely no reason, give me $20. No explanation, no begging. Just gave it out.

Now, at long last, we swing back to my opening statement. The Thought. Had this situation taken place as little as a year ago, I would have very likely been praying about it for quite some time. Presumably, parents would have done the exact same thing. Result? I'd get money from an unexpected place, and attribute it to God. I realized that not only had I not prayed, I haven't tithed in ages, nor have I really done anything remotely spiritual.

I'm still not sure what this means. Could further cement the argument that god doesn't exist. Could also be that she/he/it (trying to stop using the male pronoun when discussing deities - misogynistic and historically inaccurate. Besides, she/he/it is funny. Say it. Then laugh) is trying to lure me back with promises of cash. That really wouldn't suprise me, but it would rather fly in the face of Christian doctrine. At least some of it. Would probably jive perfectly with others. But I digress. There's also the distinct possibility that god is completely unconcerned with our relatively insignificant lives, and whether or not I have money is of no concern.

Food for thought.